Saturday, February 25, 2017

141. The single doesn't mean they are not in love

Maybe that girl who is still single is having problem within herself.
Maybe she is still in love with her ex. Maybe her ex boyfriend is a vocalist from a band and she knows things he sing is all about her. Maybe they have been together since he was no one but as he getting famous, they teared apart.
Maybe she is in love with someone everyone can see in the TV. That feeling only she knows because the Guy won't let her tell the World.
Maybe she is waiting for someone she cannot have. The one guy who have gone so far away with her heart in his hands but he doesn't realized it. And he found his Love there. He doesn't come back.
Maybe she is in love with someone she cannot meet again. Maybe the guy has met his God and left her in this cruel world. Maybe she is still surviving to let him go from her heart and open up to somebody new. But, she still come to the same place and send prayers to him from everywhere she go.
Maybe she is still surviving to help her family and want to spend more time and get more love from them. Her family which she had left them for years to pursue her dreams and come back just to make sure she won't regret the thing she didn't do when she had the chance.
Maybe she loves to be independent and have everything settled first only then she open up to somebody. Because she wants to be the Help to her partner and not the Burden. That is the love she already has towards someone she doesn't meet yet.

Love, loving, loved. In so many ways.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

140. Day by day

Assalamualaikum. Dengan nama Allah yang maha pemurah lagi maha penyayang.

Day by day, I thought I can go through life without thinking about him, without hoping that he will be next to me or at least there is a device connecting us from the other side. Or at least feel relief a bit to know that he feels the same as I do. But actually, it's not happening.

I don't know if I am the one who feel so scared to face the truth or I am afraid that the things I said above won't happen like how I want. I don't mind if it doesn't happen but I am not ready yet to lost. Even though he has never been mine.

It all started since April this year. He told me about his family. About his parents had divorced (it is actually a private thing here to talk about family especially when it is unhappy thing). He came to me so many times to ask me what I have been doing, what song did I practiced and sort. He even said "ganbatte!" to me quite a lot at that time.

Time flies. There's up and down in our relationship (friendship maybe? Eh friendship la kan haha). I cannot tell everything here. I might need 2 days to summarize and write it all. Haha. There is something weird or unusual thing he will do almost everytime we meet. He did so many things that he didn't do to anyone else.

Today, we had a performance at an old folks home near our university and we had a duo song together. He came to me when I was alone. I love to take pictures so I went there to take pictures because I got to take photos of the oldies including the performers but everyone else chose to watch from the other side. Hmm do I need to tell everything here? It will be a very long post. To make it short, I feel like giving up but lately we are getting closer. Huh this is hard.

亮くん、今までいろいろありましたね。君がそばにいると私が落ち着くよ。ドキドキしてましたが、君がいるから心強くなれますよ。なんで君のことが好きになったのかな。なんで君なんですか?なんでこんな複雑な気持ちになったのかな。君に「好きだ」って言えるっちゃ言えるけど、その後何の状態になるか分からないから、言うのをやめときました。自分でこの気持ちを捨てたいですが、ほかの人に「頑張って」と言われたので、今まで君に伝えれない言葉が残ってる。私はいつまで我慢できるかいまだに知らない。それでも、お互い頑張りましょう。私は君のことが好きだから。ずっとそばにいて欲しいです。

"The moment you are ready to quit is usually the moment right before miracle happen. Don't give up."

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

139. #lovelystrangers 1

Assalamualaikum. Hello. Dengan nama Allah yang maha pemurah lagi maha penyayang.

Dah lama tak kongsi cerita di sini. I write more in my Instagram. But it seems like some people are unable to read it so I think I will post it here too. Please allow me :)


This is my story during last spring holiday. My Japanese friends came to Malaysia and this happened when they were in Malaysia.









This photo was taken at Batu Caves. This uncle is a lovely stranger. I first saw him when he was feeding the ikan koi in the pond. He's alone. Then, I just went up into the temple with Japanese friends. When I got down from the temple, he's feeding all the pigeons with maruku. My friends wanted to go and take a look at some of the shops there while me, when I saw him, I really wanted to talk with him. So, I just let my friends go to wherever they want while I go to this uncle and have some conversations. He even gave me some of the maruku and feed the pigeons on my hand. There's one pigeon stay with me like forever. It didn't want to fly away. Haha.

Me : Uncle, mmg selalu dtg sini bagi ikan makan, burung makan semua ke?
Uncle : Ada la kadang kadang seminggu 3, 4 kali datang.
Me : Uncle datang naik apa? Drive?
Uncle : Ya la. Saya duduk Kepong.
Me : Oh. (masa ni dah hilang idea nak borak apa so tukar topik) Uncle haritu Chinese New Year banyak 'ong' tak?
Uncle : Takda la. Saya pun takda main mahjung. Takda buka table.
Me : Oh. Tapi uncle ada balik kampung la?
Uncle : Takda la. Saya takda kampung. Tak balik la.

At this point, I can read that actually he is lonely. So, I stopped that topic and just talk about those pigeons in front of us. Sometimes he asked me about my study and stuff.

When the maruku in my hand had finished, at the same time my friends came. Suddenly, he took out his wallet and gave me angpow. He said' "nah la I bagi angpow kita kawan kawan." I was shocked. So we took picture together with the pigeon (if you can see there's a pigeon with me) and I knew I have to go. He made some jokes and said, "merpati tu takmau terbang you bawak balik la. Masuk beg bawak balik." Haha.

Take care and thank you Uncle. May God bless you. 
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Life is full of problem and things we do not understand. I hope everyone out there, please do good to others no matter who they are. You do not know what they are going through. Jangan cepat sangat judge and assume yang bukan bukan.

I hope I can still meet this uncle. Or do the same thing to other lovely strangers. I love Malaysia. I miss Malaysia.