Wednesday, August 23, 2017

142. Faith

Take a walk I'll hold your hands for now
It's happening, it's happening
Makes it hard to lose another night
I'll pretend that I'm a man for now
It's difficult, it's difficult
To soothe a wounded heart

Some part of the lyrics from the song Faith from Seven Collar T-Shirt.

I have a song that will remind me of the person I keep in my heart. And this song, remind me of one person.

How's life, everyone? It has been 6 months I didn't post anything here. Life continue. With all the goods and bullshits we can't control.

The song. Why I started with that lyric. This song is the song that always remind me of my friend who has a 'gift'. He is sick and about to die. He said he has less than a year. Yes, that is his 'gift'. His disease is the 'gift'.

In his life, he has a lot of dreams and I said I would love to help him get what he want at least one before he died.

To make things short, he asked me to marry him. Last month. I said no and the rest is history. It's so fucked up. I have my reason why I said no.

Not because I don't want to be a 'janda muda'.
Not because of his looks.
Not because I cannot make his dream come true.
Not because of love (bullshit).

I have my reason and he asked me to leave. And I did. I don't know will I still get the chance to meet him in his short lifetime. I've known him since primary school. And now I lost another friend.

This is so frustating but I won't make sacrifices for someone who won't sacrifice anything for me. That is the reason.

Plus, the night after I posted this, I got to know that one version of the story he told me is not true. At all. I don't mind if he want to lie but it's like a totally different story from what he told me. I bet he is a psycho and I'm glad I didn't accept his idea to marry me.

That one story he told is so mindfucking because the truth is really not like what he said. I don't think I can believe all the things he told me anymore. I'm relieved I cut connection with him. I don't know why guys love to lie to me or take advantage on me. Fuck these bullshits. Aku malas nak layan. Aku tak rugi apa pun la. #MenAreDumb

So, these are all the bullshits.